Struggle

I have a lot on my shoulders lately, and the past month has been heavy since the school term started. First is that I took too many subjects this term, hoping to catch up on the courses I missed last term. But as it turns out, I’m struggling to handle the extra subject I added. “What a dumb decision” is all I’m thinking right now.

I’m enjoying school, no question about it, I love Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays of the week because it’s the only time really that I get to go out and spend time with other people, and I’m learning a lot while I’m out. It’s so funny that I only strived to learn more after college (Working is a dead-end, kids! Stay in school!)

Struggle – That’s the word I think I’ll be having at least until September when school break comes, I’m quite out of focus, but I’m not lost. Everything around me has been moving so fast I feel like I need to stop the world somehow. There are multiple times when I go alone to the coffee shop to do something and I just space out for a long time, staring at the glass window, watching people pass by, wondering how their day is going.

I have a lot on my shoulders right now, the pressure of duty, the longingness of coming back to the industry I love, keeping up good grades (I really want to hit high marks so I could apply for a scholarship) My passion of writing stories, which I have 2 pending short stories I have to stop writing because the term started, and sometimes I still could write a good sad song out of the blue.

The last thing I need now is a distraction. But sometimes I just feel so tired, have you ever felt that way? You want to keep pushing on but your body isn’t following what the mind wants. Lately I’ve been the anti-social, talking to people I just really want to talk with, avoiding useless chatter, feels like a waste of time.

I just want to have a small boat that I can sail out to the open ocean and just lie there and stare at the reflection of the sky, listen to the waves, I need to have a conversation with myself, I need to align myself.

Struggling, but not lost.

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